Parents are doing the best they can with what they know

We know parents are doing the best they can with what they know. For instance they know that when they're happy, their children are happy and they know that children are sensitive to their emotional state. They may not have realised yet that this also applies when they are not happy, and their children take responsibility for what's wrong.

And the children don't have the confidence or emotional capability to communicate this concern. So they kick off in the only way they know how, to get attention, to be heard. They'll press a 'hot button', throw a tantrum or storm out the room, slamming the door while shouting, "you don't understand me".